RonVitale

5 Tips for Better Networking

I attended Social Media Marketing World this week and learned some great tips on how to network better, engage readers and achieve success in your career. If I could sum up all that I've learned into one nice tidbit, I'd say that how the world sees you is critical to your achieving your goals. Often we tend to look into ourselves and focus on that, projecting out our hopes and dreams.

But here are five great tips on how to look outside ourselves and to network better:

1. Ask people: How Can I Help You?

Try to figure out how best to help people. Larry Benet is a master at networking. When networking with people, instead of focusing on what they can do for you, ask them how you can help them. Listen. Truly listen to what people share with you and if you can't help them today, you never know when they might be able to help you in the future. By focusing on listening and being receptive, you'll make a bigger impact on that person and set a strong foundation to your relationship.

2. Relationships are Key.

When networking, be sure to show people how you can be valuable to them. Give to people, share with people and build up your connection currency. Often people go up to people they don't know and drop a huge ask on them: Can you review my book? Can you help me get published? Instead, share an article with fellow writers, put one writer in touch with a cover artist that they were looking for and look for opportunities to help connect and help people. Sounds simple, and it is, but in the long run it'll make a difference because you will have earned people's trust and they'll want to help you in return.

3. Know the Right Questions to Ask

If you only have a few seconds with someone, focus on an emotional connection with someone. Larry Benet gave some great tips and had the entire session stand up and practice. Have these simple questions in your back pocket to help you in networking. All you have to do is to ask these questions, listen and then return in kind:

• What are you passionate about?
• What accomplishment are you most proud of?
• What is at the top of your bucket list?

These questions are easy to remember and a great way to break the ice with someone you haven't met before. Find any commonality between you and the other person and listen, truly listen, to her answers.

4. Follow Up Afterward

Once you've made a connection with someone, reach out to her and send her a note or a tweet to stay in touch. This is a great opportunity to share an article and to show that you were listening during your time together. What's important here is that you focus on remembering what you learned from that person and reach back out to help them. That's critical because networking isn't simply about clicking a "follow" button or adding someone to your LinkedIn account, but to make a real difference in that person's life by remembering their answer to the question: How can I help you? 

5. Tie It All Together

Larry Benet gave some great examples in his talk. He mentioned that he had been involved in the taping of "We Are the World 2" and later had an opportunity to meet President Clinton. When he did so, he asked the former president if he would like to play saxophone on the recording and in mere seconds he had received President Clinton's personal contact information. He was able to leverage the networking experience he had in being involved with the taping of the song with a few seconds he had with President Clinton.

Now our daily networking might never have us in such circles of power, but we could have daily opportunities to help people in ways we might not have thought of and that's a key point. Networking isn't about collecting people's business cards, but in getting to know people, listening and trying to help them. In return, you'll be able to share your story and what you needing help with and be helped in the future.

Networking can be intimidating for those introverted like myself, but practice, practice and more practice will make you better at it. And fear not: With today's social media platforms, it's even easier than ever to help people. Twitter, Google+ and LinkedIn are fantastic tools to allow us to not only network but really help people. So gives these few tips a try and you'll see how easy it is to really make a difference and bring true value to people.

 

Review: "What's the Future of Business?" by Brian Solis

I've been lucky enough to hear Brian Solis talk at a Vocus conference and spend a few minutes talking with him at a recent meetup in Philadelphia. Anyone who is interested in the future of business no matter if you're a consumer or in marketing, will want to pick up his latest book. If I could sum up Solis' mantra it would be "Engage or die" or "Innovate or die." He has been preaching his experiential brand of marketing for several years now and his latest book, "What's the Future of Business?", is another home run.

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you might ask: "Why should I care about this?" It's extremely simple: The future of business is here, and if you're a consumer, then you'll be happy with what Solis discusses in his new book. If you're a marketer, you just might be scared to death if you're not already changing how you work.

Early in the book, Solis includes a list of companies that have not survived: Borders, Compaq, Kodak, LIFE, Tower Records, Woolworth . . . The list goes on. All of these companies were not able to survive in the changing economic climate and what gives me hope is that at the core of Solis' book is his belief that: "The experience people have with your product, your company, your representatives, define the brand through the expressions they share. Your work must focus on expressions, not impressions."

To boil that down, it's the experiences that people have with your brand that's important. Fellow authors out there might want to take note: It's how we're engaging our readers that is important and the experience around how our books are discovered that's essential to the new business.

Case in point: In the traditional way of marketing, a company has a massive mailing list and they would send out print materials, email blasts and work with the advertising department to buy print and TV ads.

Today customers are talking about products on their own on social platforms. When they want a recommendation for a book, restuarant, service, etc., they reach out to their friends and family on Facebook or Yelp. And whatever information they have on the subject, that's how a brand is going to be relevant or not.

A great example that Solis gives in his book is Burberry's social transformation. Burberry has been around for 150 years and Angela Ahrendts, Burberry CEO, made a decision that revolutionized how Burberry works as a company leveraging digital and social platforms. Ahrendts explained that:

"We had a vision, to be the first company that was fully digital end-to-end. The experience would be that a customer has total access to Burberry, across any device, anywhere. They get exactly the same feeling of the brand and feeling of the culture, regardless of how, when and where they were accessing the brand. Everyone can come to Burberry World and understand the journey and mission that Burberry is on."

Ahrendts' statement is bold and visionary. Because of new technology, change in business is happening faster than corporations can adapt. The opportunity here is to engage people on a human level. Companies cannot simply throw up a Facebook page and then boast that they have thousands of "likes." That doesn't mean anything and doesn't translate to good strategy. No, what matters is that corporations are listening to their consumers and interacting with them in real time. The experience that customers are having is rewarding to them and taking place in various digital environments. Change is here now and Solis' book lays out a solid plan for how to move forward so that we can also be nimble and adapt like Burberry.

As a consumer, I was happy to read Solis' suggestions to corporations on how best to engage me. And as an author, I obtained more insight into how I can be more relevant and obtain more of a readership for my novels. I also took a lot to heart on how I can best use what I learned for my job in electronic communications at Temple University.

The book is filled with great examples, but at its core, reading this book is an extremely unique experience. The table of contents, the layout, graphs and how the text is proportioned in bite-sized pieces reflects a unique visionary approach. I was able to ask Solis about the physical makeup of the book and he confirmed that he had specifically planned the book to be special in ts design. To read the book, is to experience it (as odd as that might sound).

If you're willing to learn about how we need to change how businesses market to consumers, this book is priceless. I've been sharing this book with coworkers, fellow writers and even have talked about this book with members of my own family over the dinner table. It's a book that aks to be discussed. In a modern economy that's not been strong, the path is clear on how we can adapt and learn new skills to help us not only be competitive in today's workforce, but also agents of change. Buy this book. Pick it up, experience it and then be prepared to talk about it because it's one of the most refreshing books I've read in a long time.

Facing Your Fear to Try Something New

I recently attended my first dance--at the age of 42. Yes, you read that right. Trying something new isn't easy and facing a fear from my teenage years is even harder, but I did it and so can you. So how did this all happen? Back in the '80s when I was a teenager, I attended an all-boys Catholic high school. I wasn't a jock or popular and fell in with the geeky crowd. I liked Star Wars, Dungeons & Dragons and astronomy. I did have friends, but none of us had girlfriends. Too afraid to ever go to a dance, I imagined what it might be like and decided that it wouldn't be right for me.

Define Your Fear

I have always been an introvert and on the Briggs Myers personality test I am an INFJ. Back when I was a teenager, I lived mostly in my head and without easy access to socialize with girls, going to a dance was the last thing on my mind so I always opted out. We didn't have much money and I had no desire to go. I believed that I was unlikeable and that girls would simply pass me by because I was a geek. Instead of putting myself through humiliation, I avoided difficult situations.

Yet if you asked me then, I would have told you that I chose not to go rather than I was afraid to go. One night when I was about 14 years old, I pulled my tiny telescope out and set it up across the street from the apartment we lived in. We lived in Northeast Philadelphia and there were street lights all around. I had begun experimenting with astrophotography, but I didn't have the right gear or experience. I simply had a red telescope that looked dorky. On a Friday night in the fall, I set it up and started looking at the stars. Instead of going to the dance, I chose to watch the stars. I remember seeing Jupiter and being impressed with what I could see with the telescope I had when I heard a car stop at the closest stop sign. Across from our apartment was a busy street. Inside the car were some guys and girls coming back from the dance. They had stopped to look at me and laugh. I ignored them, but went in soon afterward because I didn't want to be mocked by more kids coming back from the dance.

Believe in Yourself

 Years passed and I opted out of every dance. When it came time for me to go to my proms, I chose not to go. For my Junior prom, I wouldn't have had anyone to ask. Going to an all-boys school really made things a challenge and the circles that I hung out in were all boys (or girls who tagged along as girlfriends to the boys I knew). Yet between my Junior and Senior year, things changed. I began to come out of my shell a bit and it was writing that saved me. I developed a crush on one of my teachers. And from that crush, I tapped into my imagination and, as part of a school assignment, I wrote her a novel. Not something that a 16 year old does every day, but it was right for me. I knew that I had this ability to dream up great things, but I was so insecure and unsure of myself that I did not know how to move forward or what steps to take.

I spent a lot of time writing, walking and listening to depressing '80s songs. Yet I had discovered something about myself: I realized that I had some talent and I just needed to develop it. I also learned that I could talk and had great empathy which made me interesting to girls. So after my heart was crushed over the summer of my Junior into Senior year of high school, that's when I started dating. My best friend in high school asked if I'd want to go out on a double date with him and I agreed. We decided to go to the movies and saw The Witches of Eastwick. My date and I could not have been more mismatched, but I believed in myself. She was 4'11" and I was 6'2". She had just graduated high school and I was going into my Senior year. I liked books and was intellectual and she was going to study accounting and didn't read much. Still, you have to start somewhere.

I remember a pivotal moment during the film: We shared the same armrest and I had let her rest her arm on it while I kept my hands in my lap. During the last part of the movie, I glanced over and took a risk. I gently rubbed my two fingers across her wrist--my not-so-subtle way to show her that I liked her. I risked it all. If I did that and she jerked her arm away, I was done. But if she liked it, well, wouldn't that be great? I faced my fear, touched her wrist ever-so-gently and she liked it. After the movie, I learned from my friend that the girls wanted to go make out in a parking lot behind the mall. I had scored. And for my first time at bat, I didn't do too bad.

When my Senior prom rolled around, I still didn't go because I didn't have the money and my girlfriend (same one from the movie) had already graduated high school so she had been to her proms. Time flew by, breakups took place, I dated other girls, more breakups and before I knew it I had missed all the opportunities to go to a dance. I've been to weddings, family parties and even danced at a Paris nightclub (getting the nickname "hyper hips") but I never truly attended a dance until I was 42.

It's Never Too Late

Last month my wife asked me if I wanted to go to my daughter's Father & Daughter dance. I said yes. My daughter, being only 5, was really excited about going. She picked her dress (black & pink) with matching stockings and asked if she could wear lipstick. I wore my suit and tie and we went in style. So much had changed from when I was a teenager. My fears had vanished because I had faced them, but now things were different. I walked into the gym and we saw all the dads and daughters milling about and heard the music blaring. My daughter started acting shy. I gave her time to warm up and we took pictures in the photo booth and then came back to the dance floor. Most dads hung around the edges of the gym watching their daughters dance like crazy. But a few dads were right up front, dancing with their daughter. They weren't good dancers, but they were trying. My daughter hung back and I asked her if she wanted to dance. In her little girl voice, she pulled me down to her level and said, "Daddy, I'm afraid."

I smiled and grabbed her hand and told her that we should try to dance. Yes, it would be scary in the beginning but after a few minutes we would be fine. Plus, I would be with her. And so we moved right up front and I danced, like a uncoordinated fool, with a few other dads. At 42 I had finally arrived at my first dance, but more importantly, my daughter went to hers. We danced the night away, participated in learning how to swing dance (she loved me swinging her under me and up and over) and we even did the Cha-Cha slide. All in all a great night. A great night to face my own childhood fears and help my daughter with hers.  

---

Ron Vitale is the author of Lost and Stolen from the Cinderella's Secret Diaries young adult fantasy series who hopes that his daughter will grow up to find her own voice and not allow others to dictate who and what she can be.

A Cautionary Tale: Write Away

I read Why Jessica Lawlor Gave Up Her Dream of Writing a Novel (For Now) and wanted to share a different perspective. I have reached the mid-career point and thought I would share my experiences as a counterpoint to Jessica's excellent article. When I finished school back in 1996, I had dreams of being a novelist and then the reality of my school loans hit home. I made a conscious choice, very much like Jessica's, to put my novel writing on hold. Many years passed until I decided to write and actually publish my books.

Define Your Goal and Work Hard

Early in my career, I realized that I needed to make a decision. The reality of life had set in. I wanted to write novels, but needed money to pay my bills. Choosing to put fiction writing on hold, I worked full-time and opted to write freelance articles on the side. In my best year, I brought home $1,900 in writing and then needed to reassess my goals. I still had not made time to write a book and I saw many of the markets that I sold my freelance articles to go out of business.

I again decided to focus on my full-time job and dropped writing. Yes, I wrote blogs and the occasional article, but my fiction writing languished. I had neglected to set a goal for myself and stick to it.

Be Honest with Yourself

When I look back at my early 20s, I now know how unprepared I was for the challenges in life. I skirted around the big question that I believe is essential for every writer to ask him/herself:

Why do I want to write a book?

If the answer is to be famous and make lots of money, I would advise you to give up now and save yourself the heartache. Yes, some writers make it big and find success, but for every Amanda Hocking there are thousands of people who are unknown.

We can all dream of making it big, but that could take years and there are hard decisions to make:

• Do you wish to have a family?
• What is your financial risk tolerance?

They are all difficult questions that only the individual writer can answer. I chose to have a family and opted for stable income. For me, that meant that my day job would be my main career and that writing would be secondary.

Never Give Up the Dream

Once I made the decision to work full-time and focus on my career, years passed and I came up against the big 40th birthday. I realized that my life could be more than half over and I had not seriously begun to write. I had taken the safe route and worked really hard on everything in my life except writing the books that were in me.

I realized that now had to be the time. The secret to writing a novel is that no matter if you're single or married with children there will never be enough time to write. It took me more than a decade to figure that out. And that's my cautionary tale: I wish I would have thrown caution to the wind and started working on my books when I was younger so that I could focus on my craft as a fiction writer. I found it extremely difficult to adjust from writing freelance articles to planning and writing an 85,000 plus manuscript. The skillset is different and the challenges and need for persevrance are worlds apart.

Change Starts Today

One day I woke up and made a promise to myself. I would write my next book. It didn't hurt that I had an idea that just wanted to burst out of me. Lost: Cinderella's Secet Diary took me 18 months to write and publish whereas the sequel took me 12 months. Practice, dedication and failure helped fuel me. Now when I ask myself: Why do I want to write a novel? I know the answer. I simply must because I have stories that I want to share with readers.

I regret that I didn't forcus more on novel writing during the lost years, but I'm making up for lost time. I have less free time now than I did then, but priorities have changed. And that's made all the difference to me. My advice to people who want to write a novel is to embrace it now. With the industry changing so dramatically, not only will you need to hone your writing skills, but you'll also need to learn the business of writing and that takes years.